


a whole lot of baggage

by kissfortae



Series: thank u next, the boyz [1]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: A lot of Flashbacks, Angst, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Bullying, Confessions, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Everything is soft, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Other, Poly Character, Song: Ghostin (Ariana Grande), Tags Are Hard, We Die Like Men, chanhee is cute, slight sunmoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23422192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissfortae/pseuds/kissfortae
Summary: I know you hear me when I cry,I try to hold it in at night,while your sleepin' next to me,but it's your arms that I need this time.~after hwall's departure from the group, the boyz struggle to move on.in his absence chanhee falls apart, but always being the strong one, the others don't notice until its too late.an article uploaded on allkpop, claiming that new is following in hwall's footsteps and leaving the group, finally makes the group come together.-loosely based on ghostin except no character death and they DO make it through this, no chanhee ship until the very end.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, Choi Chanhee | New/Heo Hyunjoon | Hwall, Choi Chanhee | New/Ji Changmin | Q/Kim Younghoon, Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Sunwoo, Ji Changmin | Q/Kim Younghoon, Kim Sunwoo/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon, Lee Sangyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Series: thank u next, the boyz [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700509
Comments: 8
Kudos: 99





	1. look at the cards that we've been dealt

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! this is my first fanfic!! pls comment!!
> 
> everytime a * is placed, it means that the song plays a big part and listening to it then will help!  
> it sounds super sad but its actually more of a bonding thingy.  
> I hope yall like it hehee!  
> lower case intended like how ari types! I also have a playlist made for this so yeah lol!

It’s been eight months since he left the group due to ankle injuries. Eight months since the members have even been able to contact him. Eight months of chanhee silently crying himself to sleep and waking up to pretend everythings fine. Eight months of posting covers from his sad songs playlist, hoping that maybe just one person, would notice he's not okay. No one noticed though. Why would they? He was the member that joked around and that everyone got to pick on, cause he would just brush it off. 

*

It had been eight months since he lost the one person who knew how he truly felt. 

*

In front of the camera it didn’t look like chanhee was too close to any member but as soon as they were in the dorm rooms, he would be curled up next to hyunjoon. 

It started on the m/v release of ‘Bloom Bloom’. When it was released, all the members curled up in the practice room and watched in together. It was amazing and chanhee couldn’t believe that he was a part of something that was so magical. It was all fine up until sunwoo decided to tease chanhee about the colour of his hair, then about how little screen time he got, then about how one of his lines was given to hyunjoon. Everyone was laughing and teasing him with sunwoo, so he went along with it and teased them back. The only one who was silent was hyunjoon, watching chanhee and chanhee only. 

Later that night he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom when he looked in the mirror at his hair and ran his fingers through it. He liked dying his hair peachy colours, as he felt that they fit his face nicely. A silent tear rolled down his cheek as he remembers hyunjoon fighting with their manager over the simple line, “wanbyeokhae love yo”. It was originally chanhee’s line but they gave it to hyunjoon last minute. He felt bad and told joon that it was okay, just a silly line and he didn’t mind at all. It wasn't a complete lie.

He went back to his room, expecting sunwoo to be there and making fun of him crying, but sitting on his bed was the angel himself. Hyunjoon stared at him for what felt like an eternity before opening up his arms as a gesture for chanhee to fall in them. He did, it felt like he belonged. That night they talked out all of chanhee’s insecurities and cuddled for hours. He made the younger promise to never leave him, and from that point on, they were inseparable at the dorms. 

But then hwall’s injuries seemed to only be getting worse. He went on hiatus to rest, he went to the hospital, he took meds and was careful; but nothing seemed to help. It only got worse and worse and chanhee watched as his best friend had to take a break from filming ‘D.D.D’ because of the amount of pain he was in. They all knew it was only a matter of time before he had to take a permanent hiatus. 

Before he left, he spent one day dedicated to every member, to say goodbye. He saved chanhee for last. They decided to spend the day in chanhee’s bedroom and cuddle. “I know i promised you that I wouldn’t ever leave you. I really wish I could keep that promise. I will try yanno? Even if we are not allowed to talk, I will still try to show you that I am always here chanhee.” Chanhee cried hard that day while their manager showed up to say goodbye. Before he left he turned to chanhee and said something to him that to this day, he doesn't understand. “I talked to Sunwoo. Not about anything you told me, I just talked to him honestly. Go easy on him okay? He’s just another emotionally constipated teenager trying to figure himself out. Bye chanhee.” 

Eight months since he has last seen, spoken to, or heard of from his best friend, and he’s done. He knew the company’s policy, and it wasn’t going to be easy. But he knew he could persuade them into it. He wasn’t a lead vocalist like jaehyun or a rapper like sunwoo or an amazing dancer like changmin. He wasn’t a mood maker or maknae or visual, he was just there. He wasn’t anyone's favorite because he just wasn’t that special. That's what he decided when he stormed into his manager's office at 7am on June 24 He wasn't that important anyways, he wouldn't be missed. 

~

It was a long and very angry talk, with the head of the company being called, the choreographer, and even a random trainee, but three hours later they settled on an agreement. One week. He has a one week take back period, during this week, no one would say anything to anyone (including the other members), and if chanhee still wants to leave at the end of the week, he can freely. Chanhee was happy with the outcome, he got a week to try and move on from this life before being pushed back into the real world. 

When he got back to the dorms, he was smiling for the first time in months. He decided to take a day and catch up on his sleep; nap, nap, and nap some more. Fate had other plans as he entered his room to see sunwoo there. Yes he was the boys roommate, but he was hardly ever in there except to sleep. Sometimes he would even sneak off into kevin’s bed and sleep there. Chanhee figured something was going on between them and he made a mental note to ask about it later. 

“Where were you this morning? We all got breakfast together and we noticed you weren’t there.” Chanhee looks over towards sunwoo and snorts, actually snorts. “I didn’t think you’d notice my absence, you never do.” He says while plopping down on his bed, sarcastic borderlining attitude. He regrets it almost instantly though when he sees sunwoo physically flinch and he decides leaving things petty isn’t a good thing. “Sorry, i’m in a bad mood. Sorry I missed breakfast too, I was with manager.” Sunwoo perks up at that and slides a hoodie over his head, then asking, “Why? Is something going on?”. Chanhee laughs and looks over towards the newly orange haired rapper. He thinks about the time sunwoo made fun of his orange hair, telling him it made him look small and fragile. Chanhee just smiles at him before going on his phone and saying, “You’ll know soon enough.”  
It was around dinner time, 6:02PM to be exact, when everything really went to shit in Chanhees life, he thought. He’s never been the best cook, but he did make bombass Samgyeopsal. Changmin had come barreling into his room earlier asking him to make it for dinner, and of course he complied, because who can say no to that face? He was standing over the grill, trying to get the meat just right when a loud shout that sounded awfully like Kevin came from behind him. He doesn’t know exactly how it happens but his hand is suddenly burned by the grill and he screams, recoiling. Kevin instantly forgets what he was yelling about and rushes over to chanhee, inspecting his hand. By this time, all the members are in the kitchen, confused at what happened. He hears someone run off to get the first aid kit but all he can do is cry, cause his life is shit, his hand aches a lot, and now he has all of the members attention surrounded on him, something he didn’t want. 

After getting him bandaged up and icing his hand, sangyeon finishes the dish and the rest of the members move to the living room. Kevin is dead silent as he keeps looking at his phone and chanhee is sure this isn’t gonna end well. After what felt like an eternity of silence sunwoo finally spoke up, “So what the fuck happened?” Kevin only looks up at that and then looks at chanhee as if trying to read him. Kevin shoves his phone down on the coffee table for all the members to read. “I guess that means he didn't tell any of you, he didn’t tell me either. I had to read the rumor from a tweet from allkpop claiming that chanhee is leaving the group”. As if perfect timing and fate existed, their manager bursted through the door saving chanhee from having to say anything to the rest of his members. “So apparently someone overheard our conversation from this morning!”


	2. if you were anybody else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanhee has a talk with the group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so their is twelve songs off the thank u next album and if you include hwall, theirs twelve members :o  
> I might make this into a series??????

It was around 12AM when he finally got back to the dorms again. Another long meeting that ended in them doing nothing and chanhee falling asleep on the managers shoulder. All he wanted to do was shower and sleep, he didn’t even care about getting anything into his stomach. But when did anything ever go his way? All the members were curled up in the living room, waiting around in silence. He sighed, knowing there was no way to escape this and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before sitting in the open chair, next to eric. All he could see was the disappointment on their faces before he broke down crying. Younghoon was next to him in an instant, holding his hand. He felt arms wrap around him and he was being lifted up in the air, set on younghoon’s lap. “None of us are mad at you new, we just wanna know what's happening? One minute you're making us dinner and everything is okay, and the next you're apparently leaving us?” It's Jacob that speaks up. He can feel younghoon rubbing his back and he tries to calm down, to steady his breathing. Eric speaks next and what he says breaks his heart. Eric and him have always been the two that fight the most in the group, mainly friendly, but sometimes not. He adored Eric none the less and only wanted to see the younger smile. So when Eric's voice cracks over the words, “you’re not leaving us right?”, he can't help but feel instant shame. He was, he was leaving them, and he was being selfish about it. He never once considered what they might feel. He always made his members out to be villains, but he knew deep down that they cared, even if they sucked at showing it. When he looked at Eric’s face he could tell the maknae of the group had cried and he knew it was his fault. “Tell us what happened, chanhee” Jacob said quietly, almost like if he was louder, chanhee would break. 

“I miss Hwall.” He started out slowly, trying to keep calm and not cry while explaining. “And it’s not just that I miss Hwall, It’s that I miss my best friend, my other half, my soulmate, the one person who knew me, the only person who understood me. The one person that would comfort me whenever you guys took your jokes too far and actually hurt my feelings. The one person who would willingly cuddle me without shoving me away cause I'm annoying. The one person who would wipe my tears away after I got into another fight with Eric. The one person who let me rant to them when Changmin would flirt with me and make me confused. Hwall was always there for me, he held my hand and we stuck together. And without him here, I feel so alone. I feel like a part of me is missing, but mainly I feel like I’m an outsider.” He could see the hurt on the others' faces but he didn’t want them to feel that, he just wanted them to understand why he needed to do this. “I'm not someone of great importance, and it’s okay. And after months of feeling alone as fuck and never getting to even hear from joon once, i can’t stand it anymore. This morning around seven I went to the company building and told them I want to leave the group. We worked out a one week agreement. I have one week to change my mind and if I don’t then I leave at the end of the week. I’m so sorry for not telling you all and especially for doing this to you guys, I know you care, but I feel so…..” he paused, thinking over the words carefully. “If you guys were anyone else, it wouldn’t have lasted a day. But I feel kinda broken.” 

*

“No.” Kevin was the first to speak this time. “Sorry but no. Were not losing another member, especially not you. After all that we’ve been through? All of us together. There is still so much to look forward to. So no. We have one week to change your mind. To show you that we care and we will do anything and everything to get you to stay. We love you chanhee. And we all suck at showing it and we’ve been terrible friends but we won’t lose you. You’re not walking away from us. We're gonna be here for you from now on and we are gonna show you that you will be okay and yes you can move past this.” The rest of the members nodded and murmured agreements and chanhee let a small smile slip on his face. “It's nearly 1 so I think we should all go to bed but tomorrow we are all gonna have a nice long talk, and then you are gonna have a chat with each individual member and we are all gonna try to be better. Okay? Okay.” Sangyeon got up and was the first to leave after that. 

Chanhee was about to get up and go to his room when he saw Sunwoo looking at him almost angrily. He was too tired to deal with that tonight so he decided he should sleep elsewhere for tonight. He remembered when he used to room with Eric and after they got into a huge fight they switched rooms. He would do anything to go back to rooming with Eric now that he had an angry sunwoo on his hands. He walked up to changmin and asked if he could sleep with him and Kevin tonight. Changmin nodded and grabbed his hand, leading him to his room. 

Being held by changmin was always weird. It felt nice and he loved cuddling with the younger, but whenever changmin held him it felt crowded. Like he was holding him for the last time. He thought back to the first time he started feeling this way towards Q. They were done filming ‘Tattoo’, and decided to get ice cream. Q had held his hand the whole time, paid for his ice cream and even wiped his cheek when he got a sprinkle stuck to it. When they got back to the dorms he pulled chanhee aside to talk to him in private. “So yanno how me and younghoon are kinda like dating?” Chanhee nodded. Everyone knew the two known as bbangkyu were a thing. Multiple times Chanhee had walked in on the pair making out and each time he left the room pretending to gag. “Well we uh, we kind of want to like. This is weird and you can say no. We don’t want to date you, but we kinda want you to join. That probably doesn’t make any sense but we kind of want to kiss you and hold your hand and have you join us on movie nights.” He definitely didn’t expect that. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw a curly head of brown hair and knew automatically it was sunwoo. 

That was the night that he and Q grew apart, the night that they weren’t the best of friends anymore. That was when chanhee started to grow apart from everyone and feel alone in the group. He rejected his friend though so he didn’t expect anything less. Younghoon didn’t treat him any differently which was nice. And even though they drifted apart, sometimes changmin would cuddle up next to chanhee at night and hold him tightly. He would hold him like the world was ending the next day. 

He hated it. 

-

Waking up and detaching himself from changmin had been easy. Getting dressed after a nice hot shower was easy. Sitting down at the table waiting for breakfast to be done was easy. Ten pairs of eyes on him the whole time had been easy. What wasn’t easy was how they all wanted to talk to him at once and he could only pick up a couple words from his group of friends. “Okay, everybody shut up!” The room went quiet as juhaknyeon spoke, “Lets let chanhee say what he needs to say. He can tell us how we need to be better and improve, and then he is gonna talk to each member individually , starting from oldest to youngest. Okay?” The boys all nodded and waited for chanhee to start speaking. 

“I don't know what you guys are expecting because I pretty much explained it all last night but uhm, I guess I just feel really alone in the group. I kind of feel like joon was my only real friend. I love you guys a lot but sometimes the teasing does get a little much when I feel like all of you are in on it and ganged up against me. It was okay before because hwall would always stick up for me, and i truly knew you all were joking. But sometimes it feels like I'm a punching bag. Sometimes I get super insecure cause I’m in a group with ten visuals, ten boys who can dance and sing and rap and are just all around remarkable. And then there's me, the member of the boyz who is only known for dying my hair a different colour every month. I just feel so out of place and I kinda wished I fit better. I know it sounds so dramatic that I want to leave but Hwall was the only person to ever make me feel like I belong. He’s not here anymore and I don't feel complete, I don't belong. Sometimes I wish it were me that got injured and had to leave instead of him.” 

“And that’s a lot wow. We are so sorry chanhee. I think I can speak on behalf of all the members when I say that we love you like you’re our brother. We are so sorry that we’ve been neglecting you and that you have felt so alone. For some of us, you’re an amazing and dependable hyung and I think we forgot that you can feel pain too. You were always there when we were hurting and you always know how to make light of every situation, good or bad. I think we took advantage of that and didn’t realize that you were hurting in the process. We love you and we got too comfortable. We all need to stop depending on you so much and help you too. I’m sorry for all the times that our teasing has gone too far.” Eric finished with a bow of his head and chanhee couldn’t help but reach forwards and ruffle his brown hair. 

“I wanted to speak on the whole insecurities thing? Uhm, I don’t personally understand why you feel like that because to us you’re an angel. But what I do know is that your feelings are valid and I wanna help make you feel like you belong. You are honestly so gorgeous chanhee, your voice is so pretty, you overall are amazing. We have all been blessed by you and we’re gonna show you just how much you mean to us and help you see yourself the way we see you.” Chanhee felt himself blush at hyunjae’s words and curled into himself tightly. “I do really love you all. I’m sorry for what I’m putting you through.” Juyeon cooed at the smaller boy and chanhee swatted his hand away when he tried to pinch the boys cheeks. 

“Can we make food now?”


	3. probably wouldn't last a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanhee talks to all the members privately and they have a surprise him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you think I should do a thank u next series with the boyz

Sangyeon pulled him aside first and they went to the dance studio. “Why are we here?” chanhee asked as sangyeon hooked up his phone to the speakers. “Hm well, I know that dancing can sometimes relieve stress, here we have privacy, and also I want you to show me what you’ve been working on.” Sanyeon smiled back at him when chanhee froze. “Wait what?” The thing is, chanhee has been working on something, but he didn’t think anyone knew about it. “You don’t think I notice you going to the practice room at 1 am thinking no one will notice and coming back at 3? After today I won’t let you do that anymore because you need a proper sleep schedule. Those eye bags aren’t looking good.” chanhee snorted at that. “So show me what you’re working on.” 

Chanhee had never performed this in front of another member or anyone else for that matter. He didn’t consider himself a good dancer and was never that creative. But after spending months not being able to sleep he figured he could try. He asked the leader to play ‘crush culture’ by conan gray, and then he started dancing. He was never good at dancing but he knew he looked good. He had been practicing hard for weeks now on this piece and knew that it expressed how he felt. How he felt not only about his current situation but also a certain member. When he finished he heard sangyeon clap and he smiled, turning off the music. “I cannot believe that on one of our off days, you make me exercise. Gross,” he jokes at the elder. “So which one of us got you feeling all messed up over? Which one of us is the song about, to you?” chanhee laughs, brushing off the question. “No one. So we’re okay right sangie?” Sangyeon nods and goes to whisper in the youngers ear before leaving, “If it’s about a certain Kim boy you better get that situated before it’s his turn. He seemed particularly eager to talk to you.” Chanhee groaned and swatted the boy away, waiting for Jacob to come next. 

He didn’t have a problem with Jacob, in fact, Jacob was one of the reasons he didn’t want to leave. They had never been the best of friends but Jacob always had his back. He would hug him when chanhee needed a hug, or stick by him when all the other members left without him. So when Jacob sat next to him and said ‘We have a problem’, Chanhee was kinda worried. 

“Okay so it doesn’t actually involve you but I know for a fact that we’re okay but i feel like we should try to be closer and shit and i wanna confide in you cause you actually give the best advice.” Chanhee doesn’t think he has ever seen jacob this crazy over anything in his life. “I like Kevin. Which i realize now is probably the most obvious statement in the world considering he’s kevin and who wouldn’t like kevin? But I really like kevin if you know what I’m saying. Like he makes me want to hit myself with a plane everytime he smiles cause it’s so pretty I don't know how to act, kind of like. You feel me?” jacob was looking at him like he needed him to understand but he couldn’t. Chanhee has never in his life felt that way about anyone, he didn’t even know his own sexuality, let alone has ever had a crush. But he knew he had to help his friend so he faked it. “Yeah. So you wanna be his boyfriend right?” 

“So funny thing, I already kinda am.” chanhee smacked his arm. “For how long? Why haven’t you told anyone?” Jacob only laughed and laid his head on chanhee’s shoulder. “That’s the problem. We think Sunwoo has a crush on Kev and we don’t wanna hurt his feelings.” oh. Chanhee didn’t know why he felt his heart drop at what he had been suspecting, proven to be right. “I just don’t ever wanna hurt anyone yanno? I’m so bad at telling bad news.” chanhee nodded cause he knew that about jacob. He was the sweetest member, never letting anyone down. “I’ll break it to him so you guys don’t have too.” Jacob smiled widely at him and hugged the boy close to his chest. “Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to if you dont wanna.” Chanhee smiled and nodded back at the boy, already regretting his decision of saying yes. 

Younghoon was next and came shortly after Jacob left. “Hey cutie” he greeted and sat in front of the boy, chanhee smiled at him. He was about to start talking when changmin walked in as well. “Oh hi kyu.” “Is it alright if we all talk together?” Chanhee nodded, it was probably better this way since wherever kyu went, younghoon followed. “So just a question, like, why do you flirt with me all the time if you two are together?” He saw the younger boy freeze and sigh, reaching out and holding younghoon’s hand. “Okay, jumping right into it, alright. Uhm, I don’t like you like that, but I’m curious I guess. Younghoon is asexual as you know and I think he relates to you really well because so are you. And you’ve always been my best friend, someone that I can be honest and open with. And one day when me and younghoon were yanno, kissing, I just had a thought. I thought about what it would be like if you were there too. Being in an open relationship with someone that’s asexual while the other person is poly, is hard. And we’ve talked about it and we are okay, we worked through our problems but like, ugh. I don’t know how to put this. You’re just really cute and a good person and you can relate to both of us and we thought it would be kinda a good medium to our relationship. We never really considered how you felt, and that one night that I asked you to like join us, I thought you were gonna say yes. So when you didn’t I didn’t know how to feel and me and younghoon got into a fight and I guess a part of me blamed you for it. And I am so sorry for that Chanhee, nothing was your fault but I was upset and grew distant and I am so sorry that you felt like you lost a friend. I’m also sorry that I haven’t stopped flirting with you, I thought maybe things would change but I’m just stupid.” 

He didn’t know why he felt like laughing but he couldn’t help it. “Sorry but you're an idiot.” Changmin smiled at him and laughed with him. “For the record I am flattered that you both find be deemable enough to be a makeout buddy, but I’m not asexual.” changmin gave him a confused look at that. “Then what are you?” And god, he wishes he knew himself. “I honestly couldn’t tell you, I don't know myself. I know I like boys and that’s about it.” He looked down at his hands and picked at the skin around his thumb, something he did when he got nervous or anxious, but a hand came to stop him. Younghoon was holding his hand and smiling at him. “We will help you figure it out okay?” Changmin nodded in agreement and said, “We’ll be here for you from now on, I promise.” 

Somewhere in the middle of his talk with changmin and younghoon he had started crying. He still had tears rolling down his cheeks when hyunjae and juyeon came down saying it was their turn. Once the other two had left, Juyeon had pulled chanhee on his lap and hyunjae wiped away his tears. “You gotta eat more tiny, you weigh too little” was the first thing hyunjae said. He found himself giggling. “Only if you make me food servant, I’m too lazy.”

The rest of his time with them was spent cuddling and tickling each other. Jujae were his favorite couple in the group, not that he would say that out loud for the fear if Sangyeon heard he would kill him. They just always worked so well together and never put each other first just cause they were dating. He loved the two older boys with all his heart, and he loved the way they would baby him. They were honestly just good hearted people and he couldn’t think of two people better for each other. (Again, he would never say that out loud, afraid that sangyeon would kill him for not picking him and eric. Mind you Sangie and Eric were adorable, but jujae were that couple that everyone wanted to be or be with.) 

Kevin was next but the two just talked more about Jacob and sunwoo. The more he talked about sunwoo, the more nervous he got to actually speak to the curly haired boy. Chanhee had grown up always being smaller than everyone else, being picked on by the bigger kids. He felt that same way about Sunwoo, he may have been younger than him, but he was still scared of the boy sometimes. Like how sunwoo would stare at him without blinking from across the room, or spy on his conversations with other members, or pick on him in front of the whole group. But then he would steal chanhee’s sweatshirts and ask him about his day and wake him up with a smile and a pinch on his cheeks. He didn’t understand the boy at all and it made him scared. He felt small compared to the other boy, and not in size. The other boy was talented and funny and could go from being sweet as pie, to a total bully the next minute. He didn’t know where he stood with the younger, especially when he would feel his heartbeat through his chest when sunwoo would smile at him or look small and cute wearing his hoodie. He was just so confused, about himself, his sexuality, and sunwoo. So when juhaknyeon and him had finished talking as well, he started pacing around the practice room. 

“Hey I realized you haven’t eaten yet so i brought down some leftovers.” Chanhee bit his lip and thanked him, grabbing the food and stuffing it into his face without ever looking into sunwoo’s face. “Uhm, are you okay?” he nodded quickly and looked into sunwoo’s eyes, instantly regretting it. He saw worry in his eyes and he broke down. He still had food in his mouth while he started ugly crying and he knew he looked gross. Chanhee tried to swallow it but ended up choking on it and crying more, regretting waking up today. He felt arms wrap around his back and a hand lightly patting his back, along with comforting words being whispered in his ear. He didn't know where the food in his hands went but he brought his arms up to wrap around sunwoos neck and cried his heart out. 

They were sitting down when chanhee finally stopped crying. “What happened? Did I do something?” All he could do was gulp and look into the other boys concerned eyes and he suddenly couldn’t stop himself from blurting out, “Jacob and Kevin are dating.” He covered his mouth afterwards to stop anything else from spilling out. “Uh, okay? They make a cute couple. Is that why you’re sad?” To say he was confused was an understatement. “No? I thought you would be upset.” He saw sunwoos lips twitch. “And why would I be upset at the news of my two best friends dating when they're clearly so in love with each other.” Uhm, he was stumped. “Aren’t you in love with Kevin?” Sunwoo full on smiled at that. “No, I can’t say I am. Sorry to disappoint.” Oh. 

“Oh. Jacob thought you were and wanted me to tell you.” He felt stupid now as sunwoo smiled at him brightly. “Nope, in fact I think I’m kinda in love with someone else in the group.” Chanhee felt his heart drop again, “Who?” He couldn’t help his curiosity growing and realized this must be what changmin felt like. Sunwoo leaned in to chanhees face and he felt himself shrink back. “I think it’s pretty fucking obvious chanhee. I don’t know why Kevin thought I liked him when I talk about how pretty you are all the fucking time. I know I’m a major part of the reason you were considering leaving, because of my teasing, and I'm so sorry. I’m kinda really stupid and not to great at handling emotions. But to be fair, you’re really easy to tease.” Chanhee scowled at him even though he was blushing immensely. “Let me make it up to you? I think when I found out that you were planning on leaving me, us, I meant us. Uhm anyways, when I found out I realized I needed to tell you. I don’t tease you to put you down or make you feel better, I only bully you because it’s the only way I would get your attention.”   
“How do you wanna make it up to me?” He felt himself lean into the other slowly. “A date. I wanna take you on a date. Hold your hand, kiss you, buy you food. The works.” chanhee smiled and reached out, to hold both his hands. “I really like you chanhee, do you maybe like me too?” To be honest chanhee didn’t quite know how he felt, but he knew he liked sunwoo. “I, I am still figuring myself out. I don’t know who I am exactly or what I want but I know for a fact I like you. But would you still like me if I turned out to be asexual or aromantic or biromantic?” sunwoo cupped his cheek, “chanhee I will like you no matter what, even if you don’t want me.” sunwoo leaned in for a kiss but chanhee shied away, blushing hard. Sunwoo laughed and kissed his cheeks. “I love you chanhee.” 

After an hour long fight with Eric that ended in them crying and laughing, they walked back to the dorms and were greeted with a smiling juhaknyeon. “We all have a little surprise for you, go to your room!” He was scared but complied anyways and walked into his and sunwoos shared room. At first he didn’t see anything and flopped down on his bed thinking it was a joke, but then he heard a voice. “Wow I'm already forgotten about? How rude, I thought we were soulmates!” He shot up at the voice and saw hyunjoon sitting down on sunwoo’s bed. He jumped on top of him to make sure he was real and hugged him. “Hi baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you think I should do a thank u next series with the boyz!!!!!


	4. every tear's a rain parade from hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanhee's decision.  
> \+ pizza

“How are you here? Why are you here? How is your ankle? How are you? Is everything okay? How's your family doing?” chanhee couldn’t help but to ramble out questions at the boy smiling at him in sunwoo’s bed. 

“The boys found my instagram and they sangyeon proceeded to show up at my house and legit sneak me back into the dorms. Been catching up with all of them while I waited to talk to you. I’m here cause they told me what's going on over insta dm’s and i think we need to talk about why you’re not allowed to leave. My ankle is doing much better thank you. I'm okay, really miss you all, but I’m glad you guys have each other. Everything is not fine though, I won’t let you leave these boys that love you so much. And my mom really misses you a lot, even more than I do.” He smiled his oh-so-Hwall smile at chanhee. “I really missed you.”

The pair smiled and giggled at each other, snuggling together. “I’m not letting you leave. You have no idea just how much they care about you and would be broken if you left. I know things are tough, and you miss me a lot, and I know it can hurt sometimes, but you just have to be honest with them. You’re in a group filled with idiots, they can’t deal with emotions if it hit them in the face. Just be honest with them from now on and they will comply. Just don’t leave okay?” 

Chanhee smiled, “I already called the manager and told her I’m staying.” Joon smacked his arm, “Why didn’t you tell the other boys yet? Their being all depressed and shit, it’s really sad to watch.” 

“I will text it to them, but if I tell them in person I’m pretty sure they would like, tackle me to the ground.” Hwall snorted at that, “Yeah, with cuddles maybe. How about I tell them before I leave, okay?” Chanhee nodded at him and went back to cuddling the younger boy. 

“So sunwoo huh..” Chanhee cut him off by shoving a pillow in his face, not wanting him to continue to embarrass him. “Shut up, I don’t wanna talk bout it.” Hwall laughed at him and continued to poke the boys side and tease him. 

-

After Hwall left, chanhee joined the rest of the boyz in the kitchen. They had two pizzas out on the table and he noticed they left him two pieces. Pigs he thought. He grabbed his pieces and was about to sit on an open stool when sunwoo pulled him onto his lap, making him yelp and drop his pizza. “Sunwoo! What the hell?” He could hear the rest of the members snickering at them.

“Sorry, just thought you’d be comfier on my lap.” Chanhee huffed and just curled into the younger boy, stealing his second piece of pizza. “Hey..”, the younger pouted. “It’s what you deserve, making me drop my pizza, asshole.”

“Ew, if you guys insist on flirting so openly, do it in your room.” Changmin said. “Literally how was that flirting kyu? Please explain.” Changmin just shrugged. 

“Hey duckie we should push our beds together in the room,” Sunwoo said loudly. The room went quiet and chanhee groaned, hiding his face in his hands. He could hear kyu’s annoying dolphin laugh and sangyeon make a comment about keeping it pg. He has never in his life felt that much embarrassment. 

They weren’t even a couple yet and all the members were making jokes about how cheesy and gross they were.

“So when am I taking you out on a date baby boy?” Chanhee felt himself physically cringe at the nickname. “Never if you don’t stop with those god awful nicknames!” 

“Cannot do angel, after being in love with you for like two years and hating myself for being a coward for two years, I get to make up for it now. Expect to be embarrassed 24/7.” Sunwoo kissed his cheek before chanhee ran away from him. “You’re so annoying!” 

He ended up cuddled up next to hyunjae and haknyeon that night when he texted the groupchat. Everyone else was asleep and it took a lot of nagging sunwoo to let him sleep in a different room for the night, but he just wanted to send one thing. One thing he couldn’t say to their faces. 

-You guys are my family, thank u for accepting me. I’m sorry for trying to ghost you and I know you all never meant to ghost me. I know that I caused a lot of unwanted stress and worried all of you, but still, you all pulled through and managed to make things okay again for me. I love you all so much. And thank u all for loving me, the boy with a whole lotta baggage. I won’t ever consider leaving again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, it's over already....


End file.
